The American Dream

Your 31, why don't you have a husband and kids???

Well, everyone. To answer this very complicated but simple question. We have paths that we take in life. A fork in the road if you will, sort of choices. There is a sign in the middle that says 'this way to a better life' and 'this way to also a good life, but could have been better'. You see this picture I'm describing?

We all have those moments we can sit back and think of, and say that's where I took the wrong left, or wrong right. 

Yea, we have all had those smack your self in the forehead, patrick star moments. Back to the main thought, why am I not married? Quite simple, I have not met the right man for the blessed occasion. Missed turn number one in life: was supposed to go to school in Indiana at Hyles-Anderson Christian College. My calling, and drive was pulled in this direction so strongly. I did not go, why? fear. The main drive in any decision. I stayed and dated a man who was manipulative, lied, cheated, and messed with my psyche in such a way that I was in counseling for over a year. 

Wrong turn two: This occured not much longer after wrong turn number one. I got my gumption back up to try and move out of the state of maine, again. Yes Maine is a state, no its not part of Canada, yes we do have running water. *smacks head* bunny hills...back to the point. Applied to a school in Raleigh-Durham, NC. I had been accepted, a place to live, and job lined up. I had even finalized the transfer in the system of work, all I had to do was accept it when I got down there. My cousin lived in this area, and had opportunity to meet and hang with some fantastic people around my age. I bet your asking yourself, did she go? Well the answer to that question would be a HUGE no. why? fear...you're seeing this trend. *smacks forehead* I still to this day, smack...my...forehead. 

On to wrong turn three. I could make a huge movie series of horror movies out of my twenties. Anyways, now I will say there is some parts and pieces left out in the middle etc. no one wants to read about all of the boring parts of my life.  BACK TO THE POINT. I met someone, again after I decided to stay in the beautiful state of Maine, that has SO MANY opportunites *rolls eyes*. This was a solid one though, he cared, was optimistic, handsome, loved being around me and vice versa, we were in love. I don't for a second doubt that we weren't, especially when he left for basic training, and tech school for the air force. This definately challenged our relationship in a way that i never thought I could equally get through, but we did. 

The problem led to when he got home, he was different some how. I could never put my finger on it, but we drifted, or got comfortable as he said. I felt differently though, not that I didn't love him, because I will always love him, always. The dynamic had changed, and made it hard to function, feel important, or loved. *side note* I also suffer from depression, and at the time a good amount of anorexia/ body dysmorphia. (wasn't easy for him to deal with, and I dont blame him) leading to the wrong turn point. I had started talking to another man, he was someone I knew but not well. However, was paying attention to me, nothing ever happened between us while I was with my boyfriend...I want to point that out. I could not live with myself if I cheated on my significant other. Could not. I even told him about this other man, because I felt guilty for speaking with another man. not because we were discussing anything bad, but I noticed I was spending more time talking with him than i was my boyfriend. Anyways, I ended things with him, because even with another man paying attention to me, he did not seem to want to fight for much of anything with us. I couldn't fight anymore either, so I guess in a way was a mutual split up. 

This point in my life led up to so many good and bad decisions I am not going to point out any or all of them. TOO MANY. I will say some positives because I really try not to focus on the negative. I no longer am starving myself, I have gotten back up to a healthy weight, eat regularly and enjoy the occasional donut. (positive from the new man that came into my life at above story) I've learned how to manipulate my body in a healthy and positive way. Knowledge is power, all I have to say there. Another positive, I have a beautiful 2 year old black lab named Zoey Rose, she's my heart and wouldn't trade her for anything. (yet another positive from said person, otherwise I may not have ever gotten a puppy, stressful, but so glad I did) I've met so many amazing and loving people since said break ups and heart aches etc. Some of which I know will be in my life for a long time into the future. Lastly, and I do mean lastly, if you've read up until this point I applaud you. I would have lost interest six paragraphs ago. Lastly, haha again, worst grammar I have ever used, but really don't care. ALRIGHT lastly, ah, I'm taking many adult turns. Paying off debts, saving for a house, focusing on me here. I've tried the moving since all the above stories and it just was not happening. So, my life for right now, and into the for seeable future is here. 

I've learned to accept things, take things as they come, and as they go. Control has been a huge factor in my life. When I feel as though I'm losing it, which really never have any if you think about it. I make crazy choices, really working on that. 

So that my friends....is why I am single, and without human children. It is however, ok. It will continue to be ok. 

until next time....

Aimee